Delegate Work to Your Kids
I often ask client's if they can delegate work to other's. At work this includes Colleagues, Assistants, Volunteers, and Interns. What about at home? Do you ask your kids to help out; what about your spouse?
We taught our daughter, Jessica, to do her own laundry around age 11 and we are currently teaching her brother to do his. Connor is 11 years old. I had a friend negatively comment about Jessica doing her own laundry when she was in High School....my response, "she is going to college in a couple of years and she needs to be self-sufficient and independent." My husband and I were shocked by her comment. Jessica, is thriving in College, however she knows kids that are struggling because their parents did everything for them.
Children need to have some independence and responsibility. In addition to laundry we have our kids clean up after dinner once a week and help with basic housework. We have not given allowance on a regular basis, but our kids get everything they need and a lot of what they want.
I heard a story on NPR this morning that I just searched for it but can't locate it. It talked about kids and chores and how families typically give more chores to girls than to boys. Well, I think this has to change. My husband does lots of chores and I certainly hope my daughter marries a man who will do lots of chores too.
Thanks for reading. I would love to hear what you think. Comment, if you like.
Here is one resource that might help.
Here is a link to a chore calendar that I created for my son.
Anne Keeton, a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, presented a speech about grief at my NAPO GA meeting on August 12, 2014. It was very interesting. She told us that many people are living their lives with unresolved grief. Some of the warning signs are freak accidents and illness. Anne gave us an example: When her best friend was dying she walked in the restroom of the opposite sex (a few times), even though she read the sign on the door. When our heart is broken our mind does not function properly.
Anne said the absolute worst thing you can tell someone struggling with grief is, “I know how you are feeling.” You don’t know how they are feeling, even if you have experienced a similar circumstance. The best remark you can make is: I can’t begin to imagine your grief or I don’t know what to say. Just be honest and talk to the person. The grieving person wants you to ask them questions. It will not be easy on either one of you.
End of Life Organizing
Death is not a fun topic. However…it’s inevitable and everyone needs to plan for it. I personally have experienced the death of my parents. My mother died of Liver Cancer when she was just 51 years old and my dad was murdered at age 73. My dad did not have a legal Will. That cost us, his children, a significant amount of money in Probate fees. A valid Will is critical but it is just one of many important documents.
Having a discussion is the first step of the planning process. When my father was fighting Prostate Cancer, I interviewed him. I asked lots of questions: Do you want to be cremated or buried? Do you have any insurance policies? I am glad I had the foresight to discuss these important issues with him, because he was not organized for death. It may be a difficult discussion to have, but it is a necessary one.
You are probably very familiar with the bulleted list below but have you given any thought to your Obituary? I recently worked with a client that told me her father wrote his own Obituary. He had read a good friend’s Obituary and did not think it represented his friend well. This prompted him to write his own. I think this is a great idea! It is one less task for your loved ones to do and fight over! The mother of a longtime client died recently and he told me family members argued over the Obituary. Go ahead and write yours. Your loved ones will appreciate it.
Here is a list of items that I discuss with my clients to see if they are organized for death.
· Do you have an Attorney?
· Last Will and Testament
· Living Will (An advanced Health Care Directive)
· Durable Power of Attorney
· Trust (if applicable)
· Living Trust
· Life Insurance
Have you ever thought about your Digital ‘Afterlife’? Do you want your Executor to handle this or do you want to appoint a Digital Executor? I have a resource below that can help with this decision.
I help my clients prepare an “End of Life” instruction manual for their Executor and loved ones.
· Important Contacts
· Insurance Policies
· Financial Institutions and account numbers
· List of usernames and passwords enabling loved ones to delete online accounts
· Instructions about pets
· and so much more
Here is a list of resources:
Digital ‘Afterlife’ http://www.npr.org/2011/01/10/132617124/after-death-protecting-your-digital-afterlife
Power of Attorney: http://www.agingcare.com/Articles/difference-between-POA-durable-power-of-attorney-living-will-140435.htm
Write Your Own Obituary: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/josh-misner-phd/write-your-own-obituary_b_5009490.html